As I suspect it has been for my people, my 2016 has been a difficult one: stained by disappointments and heartbreaks, large and small.
Everything that felt like it was moving things forward – from elections & referenda, to stuff that only really impacts John & me – went in the opposite way to which I’d hoped/thought it would go. Throughout the year, I’ve had glimpses of what might be next, only to have the rug pulled from under my feet by uncontrollable circumstance. It’s been a rough ride, that’s lead to an overall feeling of, at best, stagnation, or worse, regression.
I haven’t had a bad year, per se. On a day to day level, I’ve mostly been happy. When I have been sad, it has had a direct, obvious cause (mostly dog related) and I found comfort knowing that one way or another, they wouldn’t be long term problems. (Thinking about any of the dogs still brings tears to my eyes but again, I know time will heal.) As someone with a twenty year history of depression, to know the specific reason for my sadness or stress is strangely comforting.
Though I haven’t been posting them online, I have kept writing my daily “Three Beautiful Things” entries and I’ve also made a concerted effort to apply a similar outlook to other biographical things I write for myself. I have such a natural tendency to focus on bad bits of every situation and that rewrites the whole memory with a negative slant: it’s time for a bit of a refocus before all the good memories are wiped out all together.