Did you, like me and Andrew, frequent the “indie room” (aka the little room) in Manhattans in Southport a decade ago? Did you walk with a bob to assorted Britpop tunes, sit down when James commanded and lie on the sticky, sticky floor to Radiohead (??)?

If so, you may be interested to know that some Facebookers have organised a reunion night for later in the year.

I haven’t joined the Facebook group because I have random issues with the system (and not just that Microsoft now owns part of it) but pending final confirmation of diaries and public transport arrangements, Andrew & I will be there on the night. I’m a little nervous about the whole idea to be honest but also rather intrigued…

• My 18th birthday night out in Manhattans – a nostalgic write-up :)

Dear the very small cross section of people that both read my blog and use our bathroom,

Next time you’re in there doing your whatever, you might smell something strange. Assuming you’ve not eating asparagus recently and your bowels aren’t acting strangely, the smell is probably our toilet roll. Yes, our current toilet roll provision is perfumed.

Scented toilet roll is apparently the new gimmick for people who need to differentiate from all the multi-layered, quilted, printed, themed and cushioned options out there and I bought it by accident. I worry about the people who buy it on purpose. Do they have such issues with their poop that they can’t possibly let a piece of tissue that smells of shit go down to the sewers? I mean, what on earth would the people at the sewage works thing of them?

Another worry I have is the build-up of sickly smelling chemicals will cause damage to the environment – I’m certainly not going to be composting the inner tubes as I usually do as that seems to be the bit that is actually soaked in the perfume.

Anyway blog-readers-and-bathroom-users, have fun during your waste product expelling, push the flush a couple of times in quick succession to get it to work and don’t forget to wash your hands.

Yours,
-Louisa

PS. Apparently ‘faeces’ is a pluralia tantum – it only exists in the plural, you never have a ‘faece’ – while ‘urine’ is a singulare tantum, you don’t get ‘urines’. There’s something to ponder while you’re on the pot, eh?

In no particular order:

• Sleep more. I usually wake up at some point between 7am-8am – through some disturbance outside or of feline origin. I’d pause time then so I could sleep for another few hours but not take up half my morning with snoozing. At the other end of the day, I’d be able to fiddle on the web/play computer games for hours and hours without it getting stupidly late (note the time of this post for an example of the current situation).
• Have really long hot baths. The water’s temperature would only decrease over time so if time wasn’t moving the water wouldn’t get cold. Score!
• Give myself thinking time to come up with the ultimate funny comeback/witticism for every occasion. And if I couldn’t come up with anything then, to re-arrange the other person into an amusing position as revenge/to distract from my lameness. Fingers up noses and/or bottoms ftw.
• Sneak places I’m not currently allowed to go, OBVIOUSLY. I don’t think it would be to peek on people in the nudey or in compromising situations but I’d love to be able to wander around a restaurant kitchen or backstage at a gig – see a true behind the scenes situation. And when I restarted time again, the HILARITY of chefs/musicians suddenly finding their fingers up their noses…
• Not be late for anything again ever – I’d just stop time until I got there. I suspect this would be my friends’ favourite thing about my temporal powers but not after I repeated accused them of being late and/or stuck their fingers up their bottoms when they finally arrived. HA!