1. “You’re here!” The man in the hi-vis jacket exclaims cheerfully as he enters the reading area. An old man looks up. “You’ve been missing the last few weeks.”

“I’ve been here. You’ve been missing as far as I’ve been concerned,” the old man replies in a mumble. “I thought you had gone on one of your long holidays.”

“No, I’ve been here, you’ve not been here. I thought you’d died. I almost went by your place to see if you were alright.” The hi-vis man sits down. “Have I told you about my £7 pint?”

2. I don’t crowd the mushrooms. Fried in a little of my favourite butter and a smidge of garlic puree, they’re divine.

3. Being someone else for a while – someone who is confident to the point of cockiness, takes nothing seriously and is also, ahem, a green goblin with blue hair.